Monday, May 08, 2006


So, it’s been crazy, this life thing.
First, our system begins the ponderous roll out. And the wheels fall off.

Then, one of my staff dies unexpectedly. My right hand man. A nicer person couldn’t be found on this planet. So I went into a deep funk. He was a big guy, with a big heart, and always playing jokes. I know he wouldn’t want us to be sad, but, it was hard.

Tim went with me to the service, as I was in no shape to drive. No one’s eulogy could console me, I just couldn’t make it all add up as fair in my head. Then his adopted son spoke. A sixteen year old star wars geek, who compared this man’s passing to what Obi Wan told Vader in Episode IV: “If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.” This man’s wife had cancer a while back, and a month before his death, she relapsed. I thought to myself, as a man, Paul could not do as much as he could perhaps as an angel on her shoulder. And then it was okay for me at that point. I felt the cloud of grief lift. This boy spoke in a language that I could understand. I wonder, does Lucas know half of the impact his stories have had upon the land, the times, the many generations? It’s a sobering thought, that one.

I bought the staff a book, and colored pens. For the last three weeks, folks from all over the building have been writing in it. Some of my staff are still not ready to sit down and put to paper their feelings and memories. They will. In time. And when we’re done, we’ll pass it on to the family so they can know something of their Paul and how he was our Paul too.

I think I’m just coming out of the haze, the reflective period.

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